Dad Goes to The Festival

If you read the missus' blog you'll know that we're off as a family to Camp Bestival in Dorset this weekend, and that the daft woman is going to "Live Blog" from it- yes thats right, such is her dependence on Tweeting (rather than rabbiting, much better name for a site where woman go on if you ask me) and blogging, she can't go a whole 3 days without typing. 

I now have mental images of her trying to watch Calvin Harris, while her fingers type away simultaneously.

I don't usually go to "Boutique" festivals. I help event manage Psytrance  festivals and, despite not being a massive fan of techno or trance music, I do generally enjoy myself. Its kind of working and having fun at the same time. 

I did go to Glastonbury many years ago, in my misspent youth, and saw the last stage show that Nirvana did before Kurt Cobain died at Reading too (he was very bad, actually, I always get asked as if he was God Like in his performance. In fact he came out in a nightie, fell on the floor and proceeded to screech incoherently down the mic).

So, I have done the "pop" festival thing, but preferred to hear the unsigned and newer acts, or the really old acts from way back when who the cool crowds dismissed, but who usually gave a great performance.

When her indoors got all excited about going to a festival -or Vegetable as Mini thinks it is called, the closest she has got to saying it right is Vestibule- and gave me a list of names I was a bit concerned.

Now, she is 28, so she can stand in the throng watching Tinie Tempah and blend in. I fear I'll look like someones Dad has wandered in by mistake looking for their teen daughter.

Not, you understand, that I would willingly watch Tinie Tempah. 

But when I looked on the site, salvation!

Madness are playing.

I loved Madness in my teens, they really fit in with the time and my mates back then. 

And Roxy Music too. Also a group I like.

But best of all, Lee Scratch Perry is playing.

I am now wondering whether I can fit a few vinyls in with the tent and clothes and get them signed?

Meanwhile, the missus can watch her Chipmunk and Ellie Goulding to her hearts content, while I find solace with the other old gits.

Will let you know how we get on, unless you already hear from Claire on Twitter.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES: In Response to her Indoors

Yes, I have decided to take up the keyboard and kick her off the PC, to answer back at the remark which 20somethingmum wrote on a recent post- The Origins of Mini.

In it she explained how Daughter got her name, in abridged form. Believe me at one point she had so many nicknames at once I think the poor child had no idea what she was called and you could've shouted anything and she'd have toddled over. But I digress.

In it she made a remark about my oldest Nephew, who I love dearly, about how he refers to girls by the singular nickname of "Missy".

That I have no problem with-while she and my sisters are inclined to shake their head with bafflement and disgust in an act of sister solidarity (or something like that that women all do) I am more likely to think, " go on son" and feel a sense of pride.

What I would like to point out is that in this post she blamed me. Yes, me.

She claims that I used to do the same thing, being that I was, according to her "a man whore", and according to me "having fun"  (and believe me a lot was had before she snagged me), except that I used to say "Love".

Now, what is so wrong these days with referring to women folk as Love or Darling?

Back in the good old days, you'd get a kiss if you called a girl something like that. 

Now its more likely to end in a Sexual Harassment suit.

I was once on the telephone to a really useless snooty phone advisor from the gas board, and I called her love. She put the phone down. I rang back to be told I had called her an offensive name. Now if I'd have called her a useless snooty cow (or worse) then fine. But is the word "love" offensive? The Beatles made a packet in record sales with the song All You Need is Love. Nowadays they'd have had to say "All You Need is to appreciate the person who you respect in general".

Whats wrong with calling a girl a nice missive? It doesn't necessarily mean we can't remember your names, or worse, we are standing outside your gaff in a flasher mac. But men aren't as good on the phone as women.

Her indoors can plan conversations on the phone before she makes them. Yes really, but men, we like to play it by ear. And if we do add in a nickname, if for some reason your name has temporarily escaped us, then is it not better to do this than hurt your feelings by saying "err what was your name again?" 

To men women come in three categories- Blonde, brunette and ginger.  We don't necessarily take note at your names as we're too busy admiring your..... beauty. We'll remember the name at a later date!

So, hurrah for the sweet nothing nickname, embrace it girls, don't bemoan us calling you nice names!

Wires and Fuses and Leads...Oh My!

Its a common question that I have seen and heard women contemplating about us Men.

What is a man's fascination with leads, wires and taking electronic items to bits?

Her indoors often rips the pee out of me. In ten years she has never seen the point of my need to fiddle. With electrics you understand.

Like today.

I decided that now that I have a tiny corner of the living room rather than a room of my own (stolen from the kids) in the old house for all my stereo and computer stuff (called random junk by her), it needs rearranging. Lots.

Granted we have only lived in this house since mid May, and yes, I have moved it about twice previously, but its not the point.

Stereo is important. You cannot listen to music and appreciate it in the same way without having the right speakers, amp and turntable. Its a known fact.

If you're a man that is.

Its also important to get the stuff set up just right. Or the speakers vibrate, or, even worse, the turntable is upset by something and the record jumps. 

And then there are leads.

Another thing for which she doesn't understand.

I'm often asked, in a sarky fashion, why it is that I have a large box of leads, and whether it is imperative that I keep every charger lead (including Nokia 3210) that I have ever owned? And why was it that when we moved from Kent, 3 years ago, I managed to remember the lead box but not her handbags and umpteen shoes?

Well, because they are leads. Shoes can be replaced. Leads are a pain in the arse to source if you need one. 

Unless you have my squirrel like ability to hoard them.

As for my need to pull thngs apart, yes I admit that there have ben times when I have blown things up.

Like the year we had an electric heater (pre-kids) as the rads weren't working.

Trouble was, it stayed on for a toasty ten minutes, then would cut out. So I rejigged it so it didn't.

Until one evening we were happily and warmly sitting on the sofa watching TV and a loud bang, followed by blue flame leapt from the heater, plunging us into darkness.

Or the computers which did around about the same sizzle then die thing.

But to fail is to learn. And now I'm pretty hot at taking PCs to bits and making them better. Which is why I sort out her PC when it breaks, and she doesn't. 

The only thing she has me on?

Engines.

It is true that I once fitted a new engine in a van.

Which was fine until the battery died.

And I decided to run the engine to get the battery back to life. Which would have been great except the Air Filter (paper) fell onto the increasingly hot engine.

And what makes it worse was it was bonfire night. 

Better to stick to stereos.....

Image: renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Football. Oh Dear.

I must be the only guy in the UK who isn't a particular fan of footie.

There, I've said it.

In fact I think her indoors knows more about football than me.

I have no idea of players (unless they've just played for England), teams, nothing.

Thats not to say I wasn't good at football myself, back in the day I even had a trial for Wimbledon FC.

Granted they told me to sod off as I was crap, but that's not the point.

My contribution to my estate based kick-abouts was 5-a-side matches, mainly due to the smaller pitches where you could kick it against walls usually which was great for my lazy self.

I do, however when asked, say my team is Millwall (yes you can laugh now) as they were my local team growing up. Ask me who plays for them, and I have no idea.

But its a man thing to at least act as if you know about football, or you get seen as a bit girlie.

I don't own any footie shirts, except an England mock shirt which has "Sea Lions on a Shirt" instead of the 3 Lions.

I don't see how I can actively support a team who always has an excuse for not winning. I can't understand why Rooney, James, Carragher or Lampard (cheers Love) can't just say " Sorry nation, we were crap."

Instead, there was, amongst other excuses this time:





The Ball. It was too round.

How can a ball be too round? Granted if it had of been square, maybe the original goalie bloke wouldn't have dropped it, but I can't see it being playable.

The Refs were biased

How can all Refs be biased against England? I know we annoy some countries but not every country. Its not Eurovision.

It was too Hot/Too Cold

We live in a country that can be blisteringly hot one minute then arctic the next. What a load of crap!

The VuVuzelas

So, what was their excuse when we hosted the Euro in 1996 (again, cheers Love) when every ten seconds a marching band would belt out Great Escape. You didn't see Portugal have any issues when they beat a not very good team 7-0.


Yes, I don't get it.

And all the players are near on as old as me. How can they sprint around the pitch when they are the footballer equivalent of getting a bus pass?

If we win in my lifetime (unlikely) I may change my mind!

Final thought:

I'm Irish, England not winning doesn't really bother me.

Just don't get me started on Thierry Henry's Hands.

MUMMY BLOGGING- It Wouldn't Happen in a Man's World

Well, you probably know that 20somethingmum is my missus.

As someone who has lived with the blogging community in his very own home, and has on occasion watched my other half near curl up under a duvet with tissues over some of the behaviour on here and through other things she has been involved with, well, thought it was time I had my say.

Claire (as I know her) has always wanted to do something with her writing, its nothing new. And when she gets a bit of recognition for her little piece of the internet, well, she's buzzing with excitement- to Claire its a small step towards her goal.

So to feel as bad as she did for being nominated, well, not fair is it really?

Its true that she did have to prompt people to quit from the bemoaning, and guilt tripping that started. It was upsetting her for days, as she then heard from others who were dropping out. But when someone finally after being prompted says well done, and sorry, well, its a bit crap really, an after thought. Especially from people who should know better.

We both hate bullying of any kind. Fact. And she felt this was little more than this.

My view is a bit jokey to be fair- I've often said that if you get more than one bird in a room, or in this case group, they can't help but bitch. Its in built. Us blokes, we don't get it, we don't do that to each other. Its mind boggling. Its like women have an extra Bitch gene. Blokes will give each other a pat on the back, regardless of any achievement, either a massive promotion, gold medal, or even the art of drinking 8 pints without falling over and hugging the lav. Women on the other hand, will say with all sweetness "well done you babe". Then when the girl they've just said it to leaves the room, tell her other mates that she's a bitch!

Why can't you all be happy for each other?

Do women really ever have mates, or just other women to compete with?

Perhaps we should have a new rule- one women per group.

Girls get over yourselves! You can't all constantly have PMT to blame!

In closing, please just realise these facts for life-

You do have a life.

Its only blogging.

And free champagne is always going to be the option over paying for it yourself.